I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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