I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
