i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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