"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
