Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
