mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
