A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I believe in your delicious
I need to calm my uterus...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
