I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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