Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
