Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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