Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
