At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
