You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
