at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize