tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
BRING THE BAGELS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
