I feel great
I just peed on a car
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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