captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
