If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
