Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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