so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
