I'm passing your future prison.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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