and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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