I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
