I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
