I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
