just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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