Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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