Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
