I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need to sanitize my soul.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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