I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
