Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
