He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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