Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
