Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
