If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
