either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
