I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
