Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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