I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
