He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
