My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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