I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize