The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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