Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
