Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
