Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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