New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
