Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
