sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
