my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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