dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
