We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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