please come you make the beer taste better
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You left your phone here
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