I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
