i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pants are for mortals
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
