Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
