Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You've changed since you got that strap on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
