First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
