Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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