doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
