There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
