We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
