thus making me awesome and them whores
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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