he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
