I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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