one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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