i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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