Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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