glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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