New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
