I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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