good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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