dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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