please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
